I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I FOUND THE LEGS
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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