She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
