I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
