i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
