I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
