we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
