The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need water and some morals
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
