oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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