Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
