dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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