i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
