i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
only if we run a train.
done.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
