You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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