he shaved USA in his pubs
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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