I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
