The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
