Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
