When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
