Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
