No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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