Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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