I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
