If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
