My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
