I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
