I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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