thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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