I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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