i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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