I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
