I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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