thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
