So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
