Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
