i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
