so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
