Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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