Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
