You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
