a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
