She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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