I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
