Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
