I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
