shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
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