I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
