Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
