Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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