Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When did angry sex become our thing?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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