forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
