is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Someone signed my nipple.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
